I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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