the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
