Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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