oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We named our party play list daddy issues
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
