Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
