I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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