Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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