and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
