Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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