Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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