She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
