U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
