Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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