I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
