I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
