I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
