So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
