i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
