I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
