If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
