That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
