Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
