No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize