Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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