I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
