once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
