I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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