Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
