So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
