You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
