Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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