There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
