I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
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Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
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