Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
