should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
