i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
