Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
