A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize