chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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