saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
