I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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