so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
