the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
