So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
