I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
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I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
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Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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