it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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