How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
