This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
