spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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