either way he was missing a nipple.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize