Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
