Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
