Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We just shotgunned beers for America
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
