its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
