Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
