Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
