So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
