There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
