There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
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You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
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what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.