the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dating After Heartbreak
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n