the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
