I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
