I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.