Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
