theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
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You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
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I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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