Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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