i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
