Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
