puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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