where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
