He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
