What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you had me at cake vodka
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
