I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
