Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My pussy is not your playground.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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