honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
