I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
