I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How does one acquire holy water?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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