dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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