Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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