whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
