Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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