Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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