the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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