Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
