Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
