i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
