I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
