Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
