also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
