it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
